Sunday Old School - The night when everything changed edition.
I feel like telling this story now.
That’s Clarence, Caz, Jp, Me, John, and my cousin Camille.
I never told anyone this before. I never did because nobody actually asked me what really happened that night. Not even my best friend. They just know that we had a car accident and that was it. But no, there was more to what happened than just the accident.
See, my summer wasn’t going very well. I mean, it did, but not the way I wanted it. I just got in to Boosters. The “cheerleading” squad, or whatever you call it. It was my dream ever since grade school. So sure, I had training every morning, it was amazingly hard, but I didn’t care. It was my dream come true. But then, somewhere in the middle of that summer, I felt like everything was so boring, so steady. I felt like I needed this adventure. Like, a big summer adventure because summer 07 was like one of those “how can one amazing summer be followed by this crappy summer” kind of thing. I craved for that excitement.
It was a typical summer night. We had a volleyball game. We lost so we went back to my cousin’s place and had a mini drinking session. I don’t really drink much, but you know, had a couple shots. Around 2-3am, we were all talking about trips to the beach and what not. And then, one thing lead to another and there we were, on our way to Tagaytay. Jp was driving. He was my cousin, Camille’s, friend. I didn’t know that he was a fast driver. Like, super fast. On the way there I was really scared, but I shook that off because I told myself that this was the adventure I was craving. It was finally happening.
So, when we got to Tagaytay, we ate, talked, watched the sunrise. It was beautiful. It was an epic night. We planned to stay for just 2 hours because we had to get back by 6 so that we could get away with it and no one would notice we were gone. We had it all planned out. Except the part when everything changed.
I really didn’t know what happened because I fell asleep. From what I heard, we hit a car and we flipped a few times and fell off this cliff, 2-3 feet down. I never felt that. But I remember this vague moment when I opened my eyes and my cousin was screaming, I heard the tires screeching, and after that, it went black. The next thing I remember was my cousin shouting, telling me to wake up and when I tried to get up, I couldn’t. And I heard the people helping us out saying that there was too much blood and I heard the names Caz and Jp. And at that point, I knew Jp and Caz didn’t make it.
Everything was so fast and ironic. We actually prayed while we were in the car. Like, real prayers to keep us safe. Clarence was joking around, telling Jp to slow down because he was too young to die. And Jp replied, “Don’t say that, man. I have a daughter to come back to”. Yeah, Jp was a dad. He has a beautiful daughter that he never got to see again. A girlfriend whom he loved very much. And Caz, she had a family to come home to. I was never really close with the both of them, and it breaks my heart that I’ll never get the chance.
One night Jp’s mom came to visit me in the hospital. I was in the ICU that time so I couldn’t really speak. I remember she told me that she was sorry for what Jp did and for what happened. I couldn’t answer back, but I remember thinking of saying that she had nothing to apologize for. I wasn’t mad at anyone. I mean, I knew Jp drove super fast, but I was never angry at him. Or at my cousin who invited me to go. I was never really mad at anyone because it was an accident. It was stupid, yes, but we all wanted to have that one great adventure. It just so happened that it didn’t go very well as we had planned.
My cousin and I never really talked about this whole thing after it happened. But I knew that she was blaming herself for what happened. I knew she couldn’t go to school because she was so depressed. I was depressed too. Heck, I still get depressed now. I have my days. But, what keeps me going is the fact that Jp and Caz never made it, but I did. So, that must mean something, right?
You know, I amaze myself of how I could ever have handled this being paralyzed thing. Being paralyzed and living in the Philippines sucks because I miss school everyday. (You can’t attend school in a wheelchair here which I think is really crappy. And not to mention the lack of access around here.) I miss dancing every single day. I still memorize our dance routines, actually. I missed prom. And I’ve been dreaming about prom ever since I could remember. Senior year is gonna be difficult. I mean, there they are filling up college application forms. Pretty soon they’re gonna be graduating and I won’t be there to graduate with them.
See, I were a different person, and if I’m not as strong, I would be popping pills and just be planning to kill myself. I won’t lie, I’ve considered it, but I’m not that kind of person, you know? With a very supportive family and great friends by my side, how could I possibly do that? And something inside me keeps telling me that there is more to this. This accident has helped me become stronger in more ways than one and I can’t wait to start a new life with all the doors opened to me and waiting for me to conquer the world.
So, there you go. I just told you my story. My story that even my closest friends don’t know. You might have read it or not, but if you did, thank you. It means a lot. :)